Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
