Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
