The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
