He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize