your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
