and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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