we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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