My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
