Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
