Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
