We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
