just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
