i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
