Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize