On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Too much gin, very little bucket
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
