I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
