It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
