haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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