If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
