shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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