i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
