discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
