The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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