u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
