I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
