and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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