wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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