So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
