Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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