I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
