Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
