Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
