Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
