i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
