i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
