capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
