i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
