I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
