do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
