I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
