I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
