i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You ate ashes out of my bong
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
