So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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