$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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