I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize