Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
