Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
