Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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