She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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