Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You may now shotgun with the bride
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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