You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
