It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
