I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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