Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
