We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
