so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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