Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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