Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
