well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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