she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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