his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
