hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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