So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize