I wish they made helmets for livers.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
