i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
