Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize