he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
