Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
