Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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