We tried having a conversation with our noses.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
