he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
