Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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