And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
