I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
