Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
