Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
