I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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