if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize