i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
