I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
