Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
