Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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