Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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