So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
