Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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