It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
