god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
