Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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