You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
