I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
