God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm getting married
To pizza
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
