How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
