I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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