People in love make me want to vomit
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize